the brooding

When I look people hurting those I love, I end brooding over their deaths by my own hands. But like hamlet I fail in executing them and I swear to god that’s too frustrating. I have been reading Rohinton Mistry’s short stories “tales from ferozsha bag” and I found myself in the shoes of the characters that he portrayed. I feel what it is to lose someone you love, I feel the pain of that son and father who metaphorically are miles away from each other, I feel what it is to accept the blunders that your children make. The emotional side of every person present in those pages of the stories was felt by me because I think I have seen them around and because I think I am one of them. The precipitate of all the broodings is that The frustration, the despair and the guilt breathes in every soul around, that There is no redemption and that there is nobody who knows how to seek it. It is heart ripping when you have to live with the past that breathes in your present.

                                           Most of the people feel that they have no emotions that they are the most practical ones who know how to live in the present but actually they have those unquenched desires peeping through their hearts every now and then. And what they end up doing is weighing them all with their mind's whisperings and hushing them up in the far corners of heart. That is pathetic. they cry over their pillow, at nights. They carry on with their lives, fighting every moment with their unsolved miseries. My heart also, one of the trapped, feels the same. The memories of past recedes and returns like waves moving on the great ocean of the heart. That hug, which told me the insecurities and desperation of his heart, is unforgettable. It said loud that I don’t want life without you. That moment is engraved in my heart so deeply that all the betrayals and knife like words seems nothing. Memories like this is unbearable to all of us, we pretend to smile, to let the waves of time erase the memories that once blossomed our hearts. We all lie to our own selves and we all are demons inside our hearts who wants to break through all the societal norms. But many of us fail to gather the courage to break them and fail to understand that there’s nothing wrong in achieving what you want the most. But everyone has their own reasons – one chooses to live with the gnawing past and other is forced to live with gnawing past.